Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
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Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
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His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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