Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We left an ass print on the piano.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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