My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
