I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
be right there i have to get my cape
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
