I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
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I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
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I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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