my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
