shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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