Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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