So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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