just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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