can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
