Kiss
Puke
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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