I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just gift wrapped bread.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
