I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
