pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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