I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
