She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize