I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
