Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
