I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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