HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think my moral compass just broke
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
