You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
jump out the window naked night went bad
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