oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
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He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
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I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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