You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
