Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
