she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
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They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
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I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize