Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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