You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
