At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
