Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
