get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
