I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
