they need to just BURY HIM!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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