I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
