Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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