Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
