ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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