soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
