How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
you never un-have a 4some
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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