New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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