Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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