is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
