i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
