my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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