Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
