got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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