i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
