Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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