youre lurking in front of me
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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