i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
