I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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