i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
