ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
