she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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