I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
