I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
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