Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
