my vag is so smooth its legendary
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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