we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
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We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
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We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
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