he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
How's work?
Spinning.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
