Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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