My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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