How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
