Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
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