I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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