her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
