I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
its liver damage thursday
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
