I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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