i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
