Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
