it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
love makes seman taste better
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
